


NOX IOUS Explorer

by Mitch



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s01e13 The Nox, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:31:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitch/pseuds/Mitch
Summary: Daniel contemplates his feelings for Jack and completely ignores the NOX opportunities presented to him. (Spacemonkey Rewatch)





	

Nox EYE OH YOU ESS Explorer  
By Mitch

 

Hello, my neglected journal. Recently, I got my chance to meet Jack's wife. Shortly after returning from Abydos I'd asked when that would occur, and now I've had that meeting. It was such an unsettling encounter and I did my very best to show nothing but support for Jack.

Today, and I'm absolutely not yet on even footing emotionally, we had a visit from the Secretary of State, the President's right-hand-man. I schooled myself to be on my best behavior. 

I describe the encounter in first-person, active voice. The Secretary of State insults me and Jack immediately comes very close to losing his temper and being insubordinate. Only General Hammond's cautioning tone cools Jack's ire.

I am and have always been an explorer and archaeologist. As I try to assert, I am an explorer. I am highly offended. Insulted by the man's words. Angry. 

You may wonder, my dear journal, how just over a year ago I managed to become homeless, penniless and destitute with three doctorates under my proverbial belt. It may have been my temper, or lack of temperament. I lack the typical academic's placidity. I am impulsive. When I get insulted, I tend to react quickly and sharply. I was invited to depart the Oriental Institute under a rather dark cloud. I have been invited to part ways with more than one archaeological expedition for the same behavior. Speaking engagements have been withdrawn due to my impulsivity. And the Secretary of the United States just insulted me, personally. This is not a good moment for me.

I owe Jack quite a big chit for his well-timed distraction. I really owe him. It is evident to any observer that General Hammond brought Jack's ire under instant control. What Jack, in this moment of heat, does for me is not evident to anyone other than Jack and myself. I would not wish to be invited to depart the SGC in the same manner as I was foisted from the warm embrace of the Oriental Institute, several lecture circuits, visiting professorships, chairs, digs, museums. I could go on again for the third time, another litany of past faux pas. Suffice it to say, I think my future was headed toward community language classes and paying off student loans for the rest of my life.

When the Secretary of State leaves the SGC, Jack has a conversation with me that does improve my mood. And I had meant to be the one being supportive of him, considering the trauma he recently dealt with, the alien posing as his deceased son. I listen attentively as we speak in the privacy of his tiny, windowless office. He's reassuring. I really like Jack.

I'm perched on the edge of a metal desk that looks like it belongs in a missile silo's deep basement, furnished by the US military in the 1940s. I do love irony. The two chairs occupying the Spartan space are metal with what I'm sure would prove to be 1940s horse-hair padded cushions. He talks to me about my purpose, my reason for going through the gate and I almost lean my forehead against his shoulder. It would be so comforting, so pleasant.

I truly like Jack. I lean forward just a few inches, head down as if studying his well-polished boots. He's an attractive man. I get just a bit closer and can smell him, feel the heat of him. He's got a hand on my shoulder now, talking in that low and so casual tone of his. Delighted by the cadence of his voice, I close my eyes and smile, enjoying the light touch, the feel of his breath on my hair. I sincerely like Jack.

The moment of intimacy ended with nothing more than touching. Am I disappointed? 

Two days pass. He's taking me on a mission to find the creature Teal'c spoke of. I'll go with Jack there. I, at this moment, am fully aware I'd go with Jack anywhere. Yes, quite frankly, I'm sure I will go places with Jack that I've never dreamed of going on my own, and do things that I've sworn I'd never do. Going through the Stargate the first time was quite reckless and I did it because of that impulse control issue I mentioned earlier. But with Jack leading the way, I will undoubtedly go places and do things that even lack of impulse control cannot account for.

That little problem I have with heights comes to mind. Flying. Airplanes. Parachuting. Cliffs. Crevices. Deep space. I could go on.

We depart Earth through the doorway to heaven, the star gate. The gateway to the stars. This will be our seventh mission as explorers. Perhaps Captain Carter and Jack don't consider themselves explorers. Teal'c does not consider himself an explorer. But I am.

The scene of seeing Jack's wife plays over and over in my mind which is obviously distracting me, setting me on edge. It's rather surprising I didn't behave worse toward the Secretary. On this lush planet of giant flying insects called fenri, I am more than on edge. I am not speaking logically to Jack. I'm all raw emotions and knee-jerk reactions. Perhaps I need a little more private time with him in his office. Perhaps some day that private time will become a regular occurrence. Perhaps my forehead will make contact. That's a delightful thought!

So I saw Sarah at the hospital. (I can hold onto delightful thoughts for only so long.) She's blond, blue-eyed and in excellent physical condition. She looks somewhat young considering her true age, I suppose. And Jack was in pain that day. He hugged her. I watched that. It was an emotionally painful moment for the both of them. I have feelings left over from that day too. Painful feelings from that moment in the hospital hallway, seeing them embrace. After their hug, we left. We left together, Jack and me. We spent some time together at his house, just being company for each other. Quiet time, I could call it. Jack and I, alone. Then his office. We had that time.

And now we are here. On the planet of the fenri, after waking from death, I fumble over Jack's name again. I really need to find time to consider that habit and its origin, cause and cure. Is it his name? Is it his salutation? I think it's because I dislike his military title and status. I'd rather introduce him as Jack. As my friend, Jack. As something more. "This is my dear friend, Jack O'Neill. This is my team leader, Colonel Jack O'Neill. This is my paramour, Jack. Ha! This, this remarkably handsome man at my side, is military leader, Colonel O'Neill. This is the soldier, Jack O'Neill. This is the non-explorer, Colonel O'Neill."

Am I that shallow? I am embarrassed that the man at my side is not a fellow-archaeologist? Is that why I insist on babbling on to him about the dialing device, the gate addresses, customs, cultures, fables and history? I envisioned myself with a person of intellectual equality, exploring and studying archaeology. And when I didn't find that, settling for a woman who was gifted to me, and then settling for Jack?

"Daniel, you might be exhibiting a bit of self-harm here. Emotionally beating yourself up. Time to stop it."

"So, me in my journal, mind if I ask again, why you fumble over his name?"

"No, me. I don't mind. Just don't expect an answer you haven't already considered, because you are after all, talking to yourself. You want to be able to express who he is to you, and that's certainly not your team leader or Colonel. You fumble over the military rank. You fumble over your desire to express an endearment such as best friend."

"Liar."

"Okay. A partial truth. Can we agree on that?"

"Yes. Yes to wanting to avoid the military rank. Yes to needing to express an endearment."

"And?"

Delightful. I have a journal that demands frankness. "And. Boyfriend is not appropriate, no matter how much your school-boy fantasy roars that word in your head." I may be a bit embarrassed about my infatuation with Jack. I can be frank.

"Ah! You admit to an infatuation! Now, let's take that honesty a step farther down the road of mental aberrations. You're in love with him."

"Enough of this!"

I need to pay attention to our mission of exploring this planet and learning about the culture of the four people we've met. And make arrows. I make an arrow for Jack. Surely, he can't be all that surprised. The arrow in many forms is rather essential to early human civilizations on every continent. A student of archaeology will have had much exposure to such implements. And I have made several in my lifetime. I could lecture on the development and refinement of such as early hunting tools. But I won't. It occurs to me that Jack has a narrow view of my history. I should educate him some time.

By the way, I have stopped introducing Sam as Doctor Carter. Captain is what she prefers. It is important to maintain her rank, as I've observed. Jack has no such need. Jack has a command presence, regardless of the situation in which he finds himself. So, to conclude, Jack does not need the title, Colonel. This is why I fumble over introductions.

"Fooling myself."

"Expletive deleted, Daniel."

"Boyfriend doesn't fit, no matter how many fantasies you dream. What you'd rather introduce him as, is friend. You'd like to state clearly that you and he are friends, not co-workers, not subordinate and team leader, but, at this time, friends. And later, more. There's a desire for more."

"Not fooling myself any longer."

"I know Jack is my friend and he treats me like his friend. We spend quiet time together as companions. We're friends and we support each other emotionally and support each other's goals. We're friends with a potential for a life-long bond."

On this mission I startle Captain Carter by verbalizing a thought of out-right killing Apophis. She underestimates my anger and my resolve. Jack knows I have such thoughts and can act on them. So, I reframe my thoughts. He doesn't know much of my childhood or educational experiences, but he knows my spirit and strength. I know his. When I say "We wouldn't make very good Nox," I am including myself and Jack believes me.

I'm still struggling with a term for our relationship, even after we leave the Nox. 

~

Startled by Jack's appearance in his dark office, Daniel pressed the leather-bound journal closed and laid his hands over it. "Jack?"

"Daniel." Jack stopped by the tall table and peered down at a messy pile of extremely thick books. "Little light reading?" He smirked.

"Um." Daniel adjusted his glasses and shifted restlessly on his stool. "I was just going over a few notes from our time with the Nox."

"Nice folks, don't'cha think?" Jack picked up a fragile, fist-sized clay pot and began rolling it between his palms.

Daniel arched one eyebrow and cleared his throat. "You could put that back down. Carefully."

Jack did so and promptly picked up another similar object.

Daniel cleared his throat again. "You wanted to see me about something?"

"Yeah. On that Nox planet, we didn't find what we were looking for. The president's still kind of hot under the collar about us locating some big honking space gun or something. Teal'c's in talks with the general right now."

"Jack, I wanted to thank you for…When the Secretary was here, you know, I got a bit upset. Almost said a few things that might have been less than helpful. I appreciated you…"

"Stepping in?" Jack grinned at him and put the pot down. "There for you in the moment? Yeah. You do the same for me. Have been since our first time through the gate together."

"Since our first time together, yes." Daniel ducked his head and contemplated the weight of his words. Jack seemed to have taken no special notice of them. Daniel was relieved. He peered up at the man again. Handsome. He sincerely liked Jack.

As his Buddhist research had led him, Daniel was present in the moment, aware of Jack, of himself, of their burgeoning relationship. He kept a grip on the moment, centered in it. Then he allowed himself to feel the possibilities in their joined future. He gasped and shivered in anticipation.

He liked Jack as he'd never liked anyone before.

End


End file.
